A College Student in Their Natural Habitat

Writer: Kyle Pearson

In college, students find themselves sticking to a weekly routine. Even though you may be a different person on Mondays compared to Fridays, the next week you take the same path to the same classes. The only thing that seems to change is the material you are required to cram into your short-term memory just long enough to pass the test you’ve been dreading for 3 weeks. When sticking to your weekly routine on campus, it’s only a matter of time before you come across a group of fear ridden, joy filled, deadline oblivious packs known as, a college tour.


The best way to describe how it feels being looked at by a campus tour is relating it directly to a zoo. Walking to class in your routine “cage” of a route, you are watched and observed by all kinds of people. If you’re lucky it’s just a normal tour of high school seniors filled with excitement, being one step closer to deciding where they will escape their soon to be “empty nester” parents. These kinds of tours will point and lean into one another, speaking only with a hand-cuff over their mouth, careful not to agitate the specimens they are watching oh so closely. While confronted by a tour on campus like this, it is best to not corner them as the soon to be college student may bear too much excitement, along with the overprotective mother having rage fueled by menopause. Typically pretending like you can’t see them is the best way to get past it.

As a student decides to take a new path to class attempting to save some extra time, they may find themselves facing an especially unique type of tour approaching them. If you hear the roar of tiny light up sketchers, the crinkle of paper sack lunches, or even feel the glisten of a laminated name tag, you may be confronted by one of the most bizarre tours of all, an Elementary school field trip. Once the stampede of kids are in sight it is important to move quickly, they are known to progress in the world’s largest single file line that stops for no mere college student. Finding yourself delayed by a tour such as this can result in extreme tardiness to even the latest of classes, you’re better off finding an alternate route immediately. From afar the tour may seem harmless, getting closer reveals a storm of never ending questions, untied shoes that demand to be tied, and impressively large snot bubbles. When confronted with a tour like this you’re best retreating to a location with no children allowed, the bars.5f4c509d-d3c8-4553-9b50-e4e882224603.gif

There are worse tours to find yourself being strangely, secretly observed by. Sooner or later a student will sense a cold presence in the air, followed by a shadowing aura approaching them, board members of the university on a tour. The board members creep around corners being sure to look away immediately after making eye contact with a student, only to act as if they are inspecting a building, as if they are somehow interested in the 35-year-old slowly decaying language building. These tours may seem the scariest to be confronted by as they seemingly observe and record each movement made, food consumed, and awkward adjustment made. Tours like this are actually the most fun as most students completely avoid getting close at all costs, it leaves them vulnerable. I recommend walking up and demanding school spirit from each board member to test the very existence of their souls. Throwing up your school’s hand sign, yelling the slogan till you get a reply, will ensure this is a tour they won’t soon forget and most likely reignite their faith in the student body.

Being observed and examined by tours around campus is a normal experience to go through in college. While it may seem, you are a cricket being watched my scientists ready to implode when you create the infamous “Chirp.” Campus Tours are easily persevered, if the advice given doesn’t work, don’t be afraid to observe right back and change the game. At the end of the day being watched by tours are a part of being a student in college, a part of being an animal in the zoo.


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The Drive

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